I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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