One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
