I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
