Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
