i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
