one two three fourrrrnication!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
