Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
