Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
