I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
