it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
