I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
