Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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