I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
