every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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