i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
