my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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