It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
