you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
