I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
