We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
did i walk over a car last night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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