My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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