11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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