ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
