In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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