Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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