he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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