In the future we'll all be gay
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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