the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
