I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
