I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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