Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
