I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
