I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didn't notice because vodka
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
