I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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