Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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