Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sex in a hospital.. check
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
