My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
