I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
