I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
