She's like a pop up book from hell.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
