the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
