There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
even my farts smell like vagina
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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