So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
