turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
