and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
