idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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