Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I forget how to act sober
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
