smell my finger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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