So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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