Im at strip club and am horny
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
