Christians are straight up FREAKS
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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