physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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